You Can Now Get It On With Alexa

Sometimes we get reminders of how tech advancement isn't ALWAYS a good thing.

 This is AN Alexa. It's not the one you can do it with at home.  This one's WAY more plasticky.

This is AN Alexa. It's not the one you can do it with at home.

This one's WAY more plasticky.

Next time your nerdy Uncle shows off his Amazon Echo Dot, and boasts about all the cool things he's programmed it to do, try to resist hunting around for the weird little dangly bits that go with it. The accessories. 

I'm afraid even the tiny little over-priced device you have sitting in the corner of your lounge has been robbed of its sweet innocence, and has been corrupted to become yet another slave to your deviant desires. 

Here's a somewhat creepy demo.


Honestly, this does not appeal to me. 

The conversation is even more awkward and stilted than the commentary I offered during my first ever lovemaking session...

"Ok, I'm putting it in. Ok Gemma, moan now. Ok Gemma, stop complaining about how small it is, and moan now."

Yeah, no thanks.

Google Reckons We're All Gonna Die

We rely on Google for a lot. Sometimes it calls people for us. It's constantly having to enable our map laziness, and navigate us to a random farm house we've booked to stay at on Air BnB. So, we have little reason not to trust it.


Google tells us we're all going to die. 

I don't expect you to take MY word for it.

If you go to Google Translate, choose Maori - the language of the indigenous people from New Zealand - then type the word "dog" 18 times, and then translate it to English, you get a strange result.

The translation reads, quote, "Doomsday Clock is three minutes at twelve.  We are experiencing characters and a dramatic developments in the world, which indicate that we are increasingly approaching the end times and Jesus' return."

Google's swearing down that it's just a bit of glitch in the Matrix (oh reassuring!) and NOT their secret way of letting us know we're in the middle of a bad low budget Arnold Schwarzenegger movie plot, but they can't exactly prove that. I don't know how this was even discovered. I mean, what kind of person REALLY wants to double check the translation for how to say the species of their beloved pet in a now very uncommon tongue? I personally reckon this is Artificial Intelligence giving us the heads up, and taunting us through code. If you need me I'll be at Aldi, in Didcot, stocking up on canned food, water and toilet paper.

Google has an official answer for all this chaos. (Of course) 

"Google Translate learns from examples of translations on the web... this is simply a function of inputting nonsense into the system, to which nonsense is generated."  Yeah man, whatever.